the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
