she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
