I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i think my cat just said my name.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
