I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
