you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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