I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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