a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
