The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize