My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
