Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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