that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we should paint friendship bongs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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