It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
