cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
