shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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