we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
