i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
