I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
