honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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