Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
