Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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