marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
