What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize