Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
