I must be too annoying 4 u.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
