just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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