I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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