my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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