Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
