I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize