Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
