i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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