Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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