Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
