i may or may not be watching the land before time
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
