Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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