Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Randomize