I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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