my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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