I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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