After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
