I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
