I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
of course. lets lasso hookers.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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