I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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