i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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