Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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