i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
