Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize