Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
