? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
