Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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