like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
