that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
