im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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