Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
