the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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