Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize