there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
