So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have post one night stand depression
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
