his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
