ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
