Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
