I got chris browned last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
