can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
