I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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