How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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