Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize