Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
