Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
