I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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