I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
