I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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