I think I just saw someone hide a body.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize