i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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