its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
