I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
