If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
