My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
