people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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