I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
