I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
