she was so not down for the gang bang
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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