no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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