I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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