I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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