you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
