I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
