my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
