she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
