Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
