So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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