so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
