Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
