I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
