Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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