Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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