I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
