I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
