just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
