Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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