I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
