A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
