WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
